Friday, April 20, 2012

It’s beefsteak when I’m working and whiskey when I’m not


The old  Pontiac Gran Prix with its gray paint splotches gets pulled over,  a flashing red light, a small town cop. Poverty is suspecious. A Beamer rarely gets pulled over regardless of how fast they go. In Germany you pay your ticket based on your income. The police should have to pay to stop old clunkers (based on income of course). **I like the idea - an incentive to only harass the rich folks - that policy wouldn't last long)**.  No privacy in this town, the waitress remarks. Is this chicken night? No, honey, this is catfish night. It’s an old couple; they stay anyway. How much chicken could they have eaten anyway? Evidently, a lot. I see their plates piled high with deep fried mounds of filleted catfish, hushpubbies and french fries, all golden brown. I’m having a hell of a time with my BBQ Brisket Sandwich and American fries (sliced baked potatoes that have been fried crispy). The dinner crowd is just starting to arrive – it’s already after five at the Wagon Wheel

The three waitresses scurry about. I may have even sat on this exact same stool fifty years ago, it has endured at least that long. Twenty-five cent blue-plate specials and five cent mugs of coffee. Mom worked across the street at the Allis-Chalmers dealer. Now it’s almost six. Here’s mud in your eye Mr. Policeman.

Entertainment is the counterpart of dehumanizing work and has the same stultifying characteristics

You can shine shoes and wear a suit / You can comb your hair and look quite cute / You can hide your face behind a smile / One thing you can’t hide / Is when you’re crippled inside – John Lennon

Around and around in circles beginning anywhere, but ending when it begins to make sense. So don’t start unless you are prepared for the unsuspected. And I ask how can you ever be prepared for everything. My point exactly, I am told. Well I said, I was not prepared for that. And I was told that this was not yet  the time for making my journey. But I left  anyway. Drove out of town. The Wagon Wheel with its blinking red neon light in my rear view mirror.

It matters not a thinker’s dam / on the hither or thither side of the Acheron / how many rivers you cross / if you fail to cross the Rubicon – M B Tolson – Harlem Gallery, 1965 p42

A snake seen
            On the bridge
Trying to escape
Record highs
            Across the Mid-West
                        And the East Coast
Thirty degrees above norm
Slithering down the railing
            And into the water

In the end, it is always the ruling classes… that long mourn the empires, and their grief always has a stagey quality to it – Benedict Anderson – Imagined Communities, 1991  p111

Out of the 36 OECD countries US Medical care ranks:
-       first in cost  at $8,402 per capita
-       last in ability to provide affordable health care
-       10th in the number of practicing nurses
-       27th in life expectancy
-       29th in the number of practicing doctors
-       29th in the number of doctor visits per capita (3.9 visits vs OECD avg of 6.5)
-       30th in hospital beds
-       31st in health coverage
-       31st in infant mortality
-       31st in preventable premature deaths
What the US Medical system does well:
-       4th in preventing death by stroke
-       9th in preventing death by cancer

It’s easy to imagine the end of the world. An asteroid destroying all life and so on.  But you cannot imagine the end of capitalism – Slavoj Zizek

By Wednesday the last of the week-ends recreationists leave and by Thursdays the first of next-weeks begin to arrive at their reserved sites

The summer would end, as all seasons always did, the shopkeepers boarding up their windows and salting their pork for the larder, the reproachful church masters preparing for the last sermon and the stiff breeze that would blow away the time, or cast it like a fisherman’s rod or cadet’s brimmed hat; the summer would end, but not as soon as the night – Charles Bernstein – The Sophist, 1987  p20

There are many things
            That only a few
                        Know
And then no one
                        Knows
And there are already
            Many things, many
                        Many things
            That no one
                        Knows

When I eat chicken, I don’t ‘become’ chicken. Chicken becomes me – Henry Ward Beecher

Italian Opera in North Beach with my morning coffee. I am practicing; trying to learn how to be homeless. It is more difficult than you would think. I establish a few simple rules; stay out all day, don’t start drinking until after 4PM, and most importantly know where the public urinals are. Not to simple, not too difficult. Just right as Goldilocks said and looked at the trouble that she landed in. Anyway I’m not really homeless, just pretending to be. Trying it on for size. It’s much easier when you have a place to come back to. A place where you don’t have to take your things and leave when the sun comes up and can’t come back to until it gets dark. A place where you don’t have to attend a prayer meeting first. A place you don’t have to pretend to be meek when they splat a pile of watery mashed potatoes and mystery meat on your plate.

It’s beefsteak when I’m working and whiskey when I’m not – Gillian Welsh

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Q: "Do You Plan to Overthrow the Government by Force?" - A: "Is There Another Option"?


Ugh, that was eerie. TD and I went for a walk in the dark. It was very dark. The moon had yet to come out. It was hard to differentiate the wet from the dried up puddles in the road. Then something began to rustle in the woods. It sounded about ten feet away and was paralleling our path. I get spooked. It could be a bear. There were signs warning that this is bear country. It could be only a raccoon. I wasn’t so worried about myself but I didn’t want some beast charging out of the undergrowth and grabbing poor little Trail Dog. But he didn’t seem concerned. He was not alarmed. He is quite vocal about intruders. He is a good littler watch dog.  That should have calmed me but it didn’t. I took him back to the trailer and got a lantern. I walked back and shined a light into the woods expecting but not hoping to see two red spots of reflection (that would be a wolf, wouldn't it - a bear would be what - two green spot?). I did not get any beady reflections I watched to see if I could spot any movement. I did not. Just the echo of our feet on the gravel I suppose. But I stayed awake for a long while worrying about intruders. This is crack country. Lot of anthyemine cookers hereabout. I probably would have been much more worried had I watched “Winter Bone.” But I had not. It would be nice to have a sawed off shotgun loaded with birdshot just in case. I finely went to sleep.

Before, they dare attack the wolves, the sheep turn against hares. Before their reversal directed against superiors, they turn on the lowest available quarry – Elias Canetti -  Crowds and Power, 1978  p59

Solving yesterday’s problem is the means by which we create tomorrow’s problems

“Do you plan to overthrow the government by force?” – What other choices do I have? – Jessica Mitford

7:03 – finishing breakfast – sausage, hash browns, scrambled eggs with mushrooms and bell peppers and coffee. Birds are chattering. The dog and I went for our morning walk up the hill. I have taken my pills. I need to remake the bed and sweep the floor. Don’t forget to brush your teeth. We walked as the sun rose above the horizon and the stream gurgled below us.

Zukofsky taught: the poet makes one long poem. / Mathematicians say Notation is notion. / The dream voice said: Imagination fails the dream – Hugh Seidman – Selected Poems, 1995  p143

80% of the land mass of the United States is within 2/3 a mile of a road

I am not romantic, you know. I never was. I ask only a comfortable home – Jane Austin – Pride and Prejudice

There is how life is imagined or more properly how life is imagined as being lived by one and then there is life. For some the gap is huge while for others it is not so immense. For those for whom it is not it may be either because the gap does not exist or the gap can not be imagined. How many of us are jealous of someone (real or imagined) else’s life. A few are not and even we are sometimes envious. How often are we envious? Sometimes more. Sometimes less. It all depends on how much we enjoy our own company, not many can stand themselves all the time. You have to be really, really full of yourself for that.

Ain’t no such thing as I can hate anybody and hope to see God’s face – Fannie Lou Hamer

Without people there is very little adventure. Most of what there is, is waged against the bugs and the weather.

Combatants are allowed to injure each other just so long as they stand in a relationship of mutual risk – Paul Kahn

At Yosemite aircraft can be heard from 30 to 60% of the day. In the Haleakala volcano crater on Maui, 8 to 10 helicopters pass overhead per hour

[Progress] truly does not provide or even meaningfully mark the history of life – Stephen Jay Gould – Full House

People who have talked with old people who had themselves talked with older people are wiser than people who have not

The world deals with negation and contradiction and does not assert any single scheme. New signs on the federal building, they say FEDERAL BUILDING. On whether you’re dreaming or just thinking to yourself. The isolation, the boredom, the quiet, the space – Charles Bernstein – The Sophist, 1987 p11

One would have hoped that while doing something extraordinary one would not feel so ordinary

I don’t know why the more I gave, / the more you feared you would lose / my greed for you was so simple – Hugh Seidman – Selected Poems, 1995  p140

Siren blows – everyone fish; siren blows again – everyone stop. There is quite a congregation of trucks. Waders hang on lines to dry as if were the trout who were catching the fisherman. Three on a stringer. That’s the limit. It don’t take long. Fishing widows roam alone.

Just as failure was the measure of men, so too was success. Even more – David Goldfield – America Aflame, 2011 p31

I am on the road again. I’ve checked all the to-dos off my list – well actually I erased anything that I hadn’t got done yet. I stop at Unity Village. This is the first time I’ve been here. I have been passing by it for fifty years. It is time that I stopped and cheked it out. It is a place of love and acceptance. That’s what it says. Someone with the name of Sirita sets me up in a viewing room so that I could watch their introductory video. This is a place of love and acceptance, It tells me. It was founded in 1889. It is a society of silent help – the pray movement is at its heart and soul – the power of positive pray – pray for health, abundant life and relationship. I told her that I had been passing by here since I was a little kid. I wish I had a penny, Sirita said, for everyone who has told me that. The English part ends and then it repeats the message in Spanish. The Spanish version is different, its not the same video with Spanish instead of English. It’s a whole different production. I sit in the sun on a bench in a spot where the limestone has been sculpted by water. It is cool. Sirita had warned me about the deer – they will try to nuzzle you, she had said, but look out for the wild turkeys, they are very territorial.

One can sleep with anyone, but one can read only some people’s word – Benedict Anderson – Imagined Communities, 1991  p77

All they have to do is…and they make tons of money. And even if I were a person…I could work two jobs and save money. I know that I could…your children… set them up and see …Every day I do, you know what I mean… a certain tribe, or minority tribe…I don’t have it handy, I read about it. It’s like the lawyer says…twenty-three cousins that are related to …and step back and look at the big picture. I don’t think that I am… I don’t think so…that may be a separate discussion…except I don’t think so, because in every transaction I do…I think that the point that you are trying to make is a valid point, but… I don’t think so.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

There's Gotta Be Rules - But You Don't Have to Obey Them




We go fishing. I have the carry the dog though the thickets. He is a burr magnet. Otherwise I have to spend half my time pulling the burrs out of his fur. I carry him under my right arm. In my left hand I  have my rod and reel. After a dozen casts I get bored. I need to brush up on my fishing lore (what lures rule and what not). There is a lot that I’m not doing right and nothing that I am doing well. He’s picked up some more burrs. I dig them out. He doesn’t whine and try to bite my hand any more. He prefers that I do it rather than do it himself. He licks my hand as I put back tuff after tuff of of his long hair from the hooks of an embedded burr. I pick him up, tuck him under my arm, pick up my rod  in the other hand and hike back to the road.  There are four deer drinking from the stream. They run off when they spot us. It is getting hot. I am getting heated with my sweat shirt on and totting this damn dog. I  shall have a beer. Its Ok because it’s almost noon.  One has to have rules to live by: no sex with chickens, no drinking before noon. I found a day-glow green lure in the woods. I am making a collection of these found lures. Now I have two.

Their talk, however, was the talk of sordid buccaneers: it was reckless without hardihood, greedy without audacity, and cruel without courage;  there was not an atom of foresight or of serious intention in the whole batch of them, and they did not seem aware these things are wanted for the work of the world – Joseph Conrad – Heart of Darkness

I almost got clobbered by a dead branch from the big tree that stood above my trailer (aka The Duck). In the night a storm blew in. I had been warned. I could hear something hitting the roof of the trailer but I thought it was hail. Two big branches came down in the wind. One almost hit the shelter and one almost hit me. It landed five feet behind the trailer. I could see the big hole it made in the soft dirt where it hit. It landed facing away from the trailer. I was lucky. I had heard sirens in the night. The dog shivered from fear of the thunder. I went to sleep. I guess the hill behind me got clobbered by a tornado. Big trees were uprooted and toppled. Metal roofing was twisted and wrapped around the trees that were still standing. I didn’t think anything about it. My power didn’t go out. I didn’t know anything about it until I left camp in the morning. I saw the damage where it has hit the top above me. Wow, that was very close. I was tucked in behind a berm at the bottom of the hill. I was lucky.

The difference, finding the / difference: earth, no heavier / with me here, will be no lighter when I’m gone – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972 p243

Power of the people – electioneering
Power for the people – rural electrification
Power to the people – popular uprising

We don’t want to impose our solution by force; we want to create a democratic space – Sub Comandante Marcos

Housecleaning – make the bed, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, clean the stove,  water the plants. The battery has gone dead again. Time to feed the dog again. Again and again, the same old thing.

Scientists of poetry / they are burning Newark / and when she went away / I turned in my sleep / and the deepest synapse of my bran / sparked and broke – Hugh Seidman – Selected Poems, 1995 p4

A big attack by the Germans is imminent.  We are throwing together every man they can be found find to re-enforce this area. They are putting together volunteers from all over the nearby front. Many did not yet even been issued uniforms, especially the young boys, but also the lunatics from a nearby asylum. Mothers had been dropping off there younger sons all morning, many were no older than six. There was a guy who claimed to be a professor of artillery. He was selling uniforms. In his opinion blue and pink were the ideal colors for an artilleryman – a blue tunic with pink pantaloons. Some of the veterans bought his uniforms for the youngest of the lads and dressed them up so their mothers could see them and be proud before they went back home. Us veterans intended to keep our distance from these proud lads.

The destruction of representational images is the destruction of a hierarchy which is no longer recognized. It is the violation of generally established and universally visible and valued distances – Elias Canetti -  Crowds and Power, 1978  p19

The Italians began to dance. They played arias arranged for mandolin, guitar and zinc accordion. Some of the women could not keep quiet. Men liked to hear women talk. Turn off here. This is the route James took on his journey into Jerusalem. Someone is behind me muttering the lyrics. He said that roses in a weed patch are no better than my sister. I told him to take it back. I suspected that it was an insult but I was not sure. Now I didn’t mind so much as long as he directed his insults at myself but to bring my family into this was just uncalled for. I was not particularly fond of any of my three sisters but one has to draw the line somewhere and this was the line that I drew. I am now ready to stand up and fight.

In Handel’s and Mozart’s time the public was annoyed ‘not’ to hear a new work – John Adams – Hallelujah Junction, 2008

A cool breeze blows out of the west. The clouds have disappeared. It is still cold but it is sunny. It is not bone chillingly cold but cold enough to want to keep your hands tucked into your pockets. It is time for a hot cup of coffee. This is when I miss having access to electricity. The microwave is so convenient when it comes to warming up a cup of coffee.

A woman put me down & Freud / smoked twenty cigars a day. / My friend spoke of prophets / & profit. The air conditioner / makes the living sound – Hugh Seidman – Selected Poems, 1995 p31

Make the bed, walk the dog, take a pee, take your meds and brush your teeth. Prepare and eat breakfast, wash the dishes. We’re getting on with this day. The coffee pot is already empty.

All the great classical communities conceived of themselves as cosmically central, through the medium of a sacred language linked to a superterrestrial order of power – Benedict Anderson – Imagined Communities, 1991 p13

Creationism is bad science; but Darwinism is not itself bad religion.

[What] the political class can’t accept [is] that the common demand of the current protest wave is for democratic revolution. We want them gone. We want power – Ben Manski 10/3/11

Bad explanations beg more bad explanations while good explanations beget better explanations

The way that can be spoken of is not the true way – Tao Te Ching

The consumer is the real job creator

Each morning they seize their weapons and go out and fight. They kill each other in sport, but they stand up again; it is not real death. Through 640 gates they re-enter Valhalla, 800 men in a row – Elias Canetti -  Crowds and Power, 1978   p44

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Keep Bees, Weak Knees - It's All In His Head


I think I have lost a sock. How can you lose a sock in such a tiny space? It can’t be lost. I will not let it be lost. It has to be here somewhere. But I have looked everywhere. No you haven’t or you would have found it. I’ll look again. Maybe I overlooked it before. No, that’s not the problem. This is flustering. I cannot find my other sock. It’s got to be here somewhere. You took it off last night. You haven’t gone anywhere since. There must be something your overlooking. Ah, I took off my long johns too. Maybe it’s still in one of the legs. I check. Yes there it is. You bad boy you.

Creative artists don’t make art in the negative mode. One doesn’t suffer through the agonies of forging as personal language, of wrestling something out of nothing simply to react against an oppressive father figure or merely to rebel against a received way of doing things – John Adams – Hallelujah Junction, 2008 p102

He has music in his head. He’s not drunk. He’s not on drugs. That’s the way he is. He is into sixties rock.  Most everyone ignores him. But someone is trying to talk to him but he finally gives up. It was impossible to get in there with him and there is no other way. Most of us know this intuitively and don’t even try. He drums on his table top. He is singing or something vaguely similar to singing. But he is cognizant enough to stop his performance when two policemen enter for their morning coffee. The officers know him. They play with him and then got bored and move on when two more uniformed officers enter. He stares over at the four officers and says, “Chuck Mangione” as if that was who he thinks he is or maybe he just meant he was performing a Chuck Mangione number. “This is a great neighborhood,” he tells the officers. Then he turns away and looks at the TV. He is still grooving to his music, but otherwise he has being quiet. Neil has to go to work. “Time to look busy,” he says. “Doing anything important today,” I ask? “It’s not allowed,” he replied. Neil leaves to go peck at his lever and hoping for a few chicken pellets. There is profound wisdom somewhere, but not in here, not today.

Reason is itself a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all. – G K Chesterton

The prison is a factory for producing delinquents. Delinquents have their utility in a surveillance society.

It [the collapse of Enron] was not the first episode to feature grotesque bonuses for insiders, or a fawning press, or bought politicians, or average people being fleeced by scheming predators. But it was the first in recent memory to bring together all those elements in one glorious fireball of fraud – Thomas Frank – Harpers, Aug 2011 p7

With my trailer, I am now a property owner – a respectable citizen not a vagabond in a tent. It makes a world of difference in everyone’s eyes. Before I  was someone to be avoided now I am a valuable member of the community. I am a member of society now and no longer just a delinquent who must be watched out for. I am a property owner.

We owned things, but we needed someone to own us, and so we have the gods – V S Naipaul – The Masque of Africa, 2010  p132

This is my last day at this campground. Some guy has slept overnight in his beat up truck. Now he was looking for a place to piss. The toilet is locked up for the winter.  He pissed behind it ignoring me as I walked by with my dog.  His truck is warming up. It shimmies and it shakes. He zips up his fly and ambles back towards it. He is wearing a white straw hat. He get back in and drives off. There was a lot of stuff in plastic bags in the back of the truck.

The ebb and flow of the population bombed out of their homes [was] a rehearsal for initiation into the mobile society that would form in the decades after the catastrophe – W G Sebald – On the Natural History of Destruction, 2003 p34

We should all become criminals, then we all will once again be undifferentiated. It is either that or we all become billionaires (once being a millionaire was considered sufficient). There is never enough either when there is nothing to be got or when there is more that can be got.

Whoever was tortured, stays tortured - Jean Amery – At the Mind’s Limits

Why do old women want to chase after old men? I know what old men want, they want some one to cook and clean up after them . But what do old women want?

I mean, baby, you / may be kind but your beauty Sweetie is such // many a man would run himself through for / hating your guts every minute that he died for you – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972 p220

Keep bees
Graze sheep
Knee deep
Gracious leap
Into my lees
            Again
Down to seeds
And stems again

The worst that can happen in war is to parish together; and this spares them death as individuals, which is what they most fear – Elias Canetti -  Crowds and Power, 1978   p73

I’m reading Stieg Larsson. I’m thinking herring and a beer would be good. There are scattered puffy clouds coming out of the north. Fallen oak leaves rustle across the road.

The problem is / how / to keep shape and flow: // the day’s died / & can’t be re-made: // in the dusk I can’t recover / the golden bodied fly / that waited on a sunfield leaf – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972 p249

I take a walk down towards the marina. Business is slow. Should pick up tomorrow. Should be back up in the fifties, he said. In regards to his advice on pan fish, good crappie fishing on the mud bank where the stream flows into the river channel. Business? Oh, I’ve seen better days. Summers are Ok. Enough to pay the bills, I inquire? His wife’s from up around Belton, he says. He asks me if  I knew the Roses? No, I say, you know the Ramseys. He didn’t. I didn’t mention  that the Ramsey I knew was Samuel and that he had fought in the Civil War – at Boggey Depot on the Union side.

UTENSIL: How does the pot pray: / wash me, so I gleam? // Prays, crack my enamel: / let the rust in – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972 p190

I’m eating cheese and crackers and drinking wine with a nice view of the lake and the dog is off to the side digging burrs out of its fur. A cold wind blows in  from the north. There is a lot of fire wood about. I have only one beer left. Shall we drink wine by the campfire tonight. Yes, I reckin’ so.

During intense political debates when animal metaphors are used, real blood will flow – V S Naipaul – The Masque of Africa, 2010  p226

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Necessities of Life




I laid out my firewood and covered it with a tarp to keep it dry. I’m having a hot cup of coffee on this cold day. I drink the whole pot. I have to get up and go outside in the cold to take a whizz. It hardly seems worthwhile, but you can’t spend the whole day lying in bed trying to keep warm. The nights are already ten hours long and that is too long to have to lie in bed all that time and most of the day. Now what did I do with my glasses. Never just put something down in any old place. You need to have a designated spot – when you take them off your face always put them there or they will be lost. The same goes for your wallet and keys. It is one of the rules of getting old. The other is that you have to piss a lot. Oh, there they are on top of the refrigerator. What are they doing up there? If you can’t remember why you certainly won’t remember where. And when you get old you don’t have to make a fashion statement  anymore (well you do anyway but you don’t care about what it is) but you have to be sure that you change your underware frequently so that you don’t smell of stale urine.

The oat fields said oh / And oh said the wheat field as the dusting / combine passed over / and long after the dust was gone. / Oh they said / and looked around at the stubble and straw – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972 p2

Take your pills, brush your teeth, put on clean underwear, take the dog for a walk – drink and be merry. The dog insists that I walk him first. Breakfast – bacon, hash brown potatoes, black beans and coffee

It’s dark – I take a lantern
I came out here to take
            A crap
I sit there and grunt
Elvis Pressley died like this
            He died for my sins
I refuse to die for yours
Not alone here in the dark
            Sitting on the crapper
It takes a while but
            I do what I came to do
And I return to my warm bed
            This is were I wish to die
I am fortunate
            There is enough
            Toilet paper
Don’t you just hate that
            When there isn’t any left

Even in the middle of the catastrophe, individuals and groups were still unable to asses the real degree of danger and abandon their usual roles – W G Sebald – On the Natural History of Destruction, 2003  p63

Teatime outside in the sun – bread and jam and butter with a beer chaser. Listen to Shostakovich. And now the sun is going down. They are extending the number of slips at the marina. The welders are now headed home in their diesel trucks. The sheriff makes a loop through the park.  The sun is red on the western horizon across the James River. It is time to start a campfire. I eat my evening meal: penne with garlic butter and broccoli florets, an avocado and banana salad and a glass of wine

Defending Medicare and Social Security may be all well and good, but what happened to utopia? – Beverly Gage – New York Times Book Review – 9/18/11 p24

The questions asked when setting up a project are never asked after that project is in place. The project itself is the answer. Afterwards the only relevant questions relate to the mechanisms best needed to implement the project.

Rich countries now have a semi-conscious plan [for responding to global warming]: what ever happens we’ll have the money to cope – Simon Kuper – Financial Times

The function of the judicial system is to create criminals who become the raw materials that the carceral network then turns them into delinquents.

Criminals have traditionally been devoted to their mothers and vise versa. It is a poor criminal whose mother will not attend court to say that he is a good boy at home in an attempt to mitigate the sentence he is to receive – James Morton – The First Detective, 2010 p37

8:45PM and the rain is letting up – drip, drip, drip – Bread and jam

I believe in God and I believe in free markets – Ken Lay, CEO of Enron

A society’s principles should be imperfectly realized otherwise they constitute a form of tyranny

Leave me this black rich country, / uncertainty, labor, / fear do not / Steal the reward of my mortality – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972  p37

We are allowed to reform the mechanisms that implement the project but we are not allowed to question the project itself

We are unable to learn from the misfortunes we bring on ourselves… We are incorrigible and will continue along the beaten tracks that bear some slight relation to the old road network – W G Sebald – On the Natural History of Destruction, 2003  p67

The camper-shell (man and his son) with the red boat leave. The wind blows and rustles the dead oak leaves. It’s chilly. I retreat to inside my trailer. I drink some hot coffee. Later I’ll have a bowl of black beans with tortillas. There is a big storm brewing. The other two campers depart. I am alone except for a few fishermen. Moisture laden clouds roll in from the south. They are riding up and over a cold front. I gathered up the firewood that the other campers had left. I stow away anything that might blow away.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Gone Fishing - Harold Ensley the Duck and I



Cape Fair – just as you enter town on route 76  a sign proclaims“Cape Fair – bass capital of the world”. Who is to say that it is not? Three towns in Florida and one each in Oklahoma, Arkansas, New Jersey and Virgina make the same claim. It a sports fish. Some people eat them. Fishermen looking to put something on the talbe  usually go for crappie. It’s a bony fish I’m told, but it is a pretty fish. Black bass – gold and dark green. There are usually five or six pick-up trucks with empty trailers. Bass boats are long and low with a big moter that makes them skeeedadle and a little electric trolling motor aft to ease them into the best spot. There are two high stools on which to sit and make a clean cast. I bought a state fishing permit and a lite rod and reel today. I havn’t fished since I was a kid. The guy at the tackle shop says that he crushes one of these (it’s something stinkey) and rubs in on his lure. It attracts them he says. I’m only looking to waste some time on a hot afternoon. Maybe catch a few pan fish. I might not even keep ‘em, I think. No, I say, two of the lures and a packet of the jigs will do. I don’t plan to get that serious about it. I certainly don’t plan on a bass boat, although I’m considering a small kayak. I’ve been out along the shore three times now. I’ve lost one jig and narry even got a bite yet.

How harmless truth / is / in cold weather / to an empty nest – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972 p163

This moring the place is full of pick-up trucks with empty trailers. I hear someone talking down at the marina – seven metal sheds floating on the water. At the end of the second there is a gas pump and the tackle shop. He is addressing a group. From the sound of his voice, I’d assume he's giving them instrucions. Then a bass boats with a green light aft and a white one on a pole astern, idles past the seventh and last shed and past the buoy just beyond it and guns its big motor and roars down the river and around the bend towards the open lake. Then a hundred yards back another. I can see more between the sheds – not quite a parade and not an armada either. I begin counting them as the roar away. I count thirty. There were actually thirty-two. Bass tournment no doubt.

I spent the day / differentiating / and wound up / with nothing / whole to keep – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972 p183

The leader board has slots for ninty enteries but has only thirty-two written in. I read the rules. The “Freeze Up Buddy” bass tournament. $40 entry fee for each boat/team of two. Some fathers bring their sons. Some are just buddies. After the tournament teams pass by in review, the guys just out to fish line up and drop their boats into the river. The teams take off at seven AM. One team is late, someone had said that it started at eight. Seven places for the total weight of any three live bass. There is a side bet for biggest bass. Most of the teams poney up. Come back at two for the weight in, the man in the tackle shop says. Come down and watch, he tells me. They have opened up just for this tournament. They won’t open up for regular hours until March. This is the first year that the Corps has kept the campgound open – electricity but no water – and with my senior discount it only costing me six dollars a night. They had never had a tournament this early in the year before but the weather has been so nice.

“My country, right or wrong,” is a thing that no true patriot would think of saying. It is like saying, “My mother, drunk or sober.”  - G K Chesterton

At 1:30 I head back down to the marina. About half the boats are already back. The rest of them come trickling in. Everyone looks tired. Just before two the two minuted warning is given. If anyone hasn’t turned in their boat tag, you got two minutes in which to get it done. The “Freeze-Up Buddy” tournament has concluded. Team members are carrying their three biggest fish in plastic bags to the weight-in station. Boat by boat they are weighted – single bass, three bass all alive – and totted on the board. Eighteen of the teams yield fish to be weighted. I had asked what the expected winer might weight in at. Oh, probably around fifteen pounds. It was 16.2 pounds and the biggest fish was 6.2 (boat #15 – Morphlet and Smith who also took second in total weight – taking home $934). The guy from the tackle shop asked the fisherman if they liked the way the tournament was organized. Most of them thought it was ok. Someone suggested that the weight-in might be done at three instead of two.

One can be an observer only up to a point. Beyond that point one was an intruder – V S Naipaul – The Masque of Africa, 2010  p174

The individual is possible only when he is a part of a disciplined and differentiated mass

Rational, reasonable people adapt themselves to the world, but strong people adapt the world to themselves – Robert Musil – The Man Without Qualities, 1956  p1562

Four fishermen – four bright red pick-ups
            In a parking lot
With a roar, down
            The James
And out onto the lake
            Bass await
If good, won’t be back
            Until late
And even if the bass
            Aren’t biting
Might not be back
            Until all the whiskey is gone

Winter over, ice-bound / mind better not rush to meet spring fast; / might trip, stiff thought, / shatter – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972  p60

Power can either be displayed by those who weld it or it can be displayed by the objectification of those on whom it is brought to bear

Poetry convinces not by argument but by the form it creates to carry its content – Louis Zukofsky – A Taste of Poetry

Power hangs between the pillars of spectacle and surveillance

News was generated by storms, not doldrums – Ngugi Wa Thiongo – Wizzard of the Crow, 2007  p74

To slip out of the leg-irons of a discipline: I miss my old chains.

The preoccupation of a bureaucracy with an individual always leads to the conclusion that this individual is shady and unreliable, that is to say, as measured by the standards of precision and security according to the rules and regulations one applies in a bureaucracy – Robert Musil – The Man Without Qualities, 1956  p1668

Raymond Carver’s shorts stories are full of drinking and exs – everyone that drinks has them – middle aged professionals in a relationship that involves alcohol and this relationship is bracketed by the former ones and the ones that will come after this – bottoms up. Set in small town America in rented rooms. Alcohol (and sometimes marijuana) and love (or at least a relationship which seems to be equalivent). Being drunk is a lot like being in love, or should that be the other way around. It is not that they are the same. Are they real? They seem to be grounded in reality, Carver’s reality. It is easier to read them than it is to do them . It is easier to do them than to write it. It is easier to write them out  it than  it is to live them.

Can reading – more to the point, can writing – be a kind of drug, a distraction from an otherwise insufferable existence? Is it possible to be addicted to writing? – Adam Krish – New Republic 0 8/18/11 p23

Those who are paid regularly; those who are paid by the day; those who are paid by the job done and finally there are the prostitutes.

It was time to go. And time to pay. The guide had to be paid for attending and when we got to the iron gate there was a further charge, for entering. It would have been like that, too, at the oracles in the Classical world. The world has always had its dues – V S Naipaul – The Masque of Africa, 2010  p29

I’ve just about had it with Sue Grafton – the Paula Dean of mystery writers – this genteel elder stateswoman. I’ve just finished the first half of the ‘U’ novel and have figured out the plot line – it is no mystery (or I’ll be very surprised if it is). It is just a matter of how our detective will go about putting the pieces together – sort of like a Colombo episode. And I’m getting tired of her bourgeoisie moralizing. A mystery should be a novella – something gets solved. This is a novel – a character is developed; and a poor one at that. But I’ll trudge on to see if it comes out the way I expect it. And oh, just one more question? What is it, Colombo? the villain asks indulgently.

For more than two decades, Washington’s maninstreamers considered [Dick] Chaney… genial, brainy and suave. You could invite him to a dinner party and know he wouldn’t start spouting Bible verse and frighten the caterers – Andrew Ferguson – Commentary Oct 1011 p64

And now the cabs return from Ocean Beach, disgorging the tired, the sore and the broken of the bay. Eight miles on their Stairmasters had seemed easy and so they had gone out last night with friends and partied. This morning they had stood at the corner play acting their jogging and laughing. Now they limp home.

Joe Banana was born in Ipenema - ugh - boom da oug oug, tat tat, yeah - boom da, Boy ah, boy ah boonk. Joe grew up an angry punk. Oih Oih. Now he’s the big banana of the Samba bunch. Sigh - boing, boing, ahi ah ah. And I get out my pastels and allow the colors to flow freely across the white page without restraint – have courage, use your instinct.

Don’t forget to slop the hogs, / feed the chickens, / water the mule, / cut the kindling, / build the fire, / call up the cow // supper is over, its starting to get dark early, / better get the scraps together, mix a little meal in, nothing but swill – A R Ammons – Collected Poems, 1951-1971, 1972  p66

My Donald Duck is two degrees of separation form Harold Ensley. My uncle provided the Ford that Harold drove. I bought Mr. Duck form my uncle's bookkeeper. I only found out later. I found the trailer on Craig's List.

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Duck, The Dog and I


Thunder rumbles in the west. It is dusk. It is getting dark. There’s a ping, ping of rain drops on the roof. Their frequency increases. Thunder rumbles again. The dog’s head bobs up at the sound. Storms frighten him. He lies back down, curled in a ball. The thunder is far away. Sound carries far across water. The rumbling gets closer. I have the lantern on so that I can read. I have a burner lite on the stove for heat. I need to check and see if my carbon monoxide detector is working. I crack two windows for some ventilation.  The thunder is getting louder. It is not dark enough to see the flashes of lighting. Thunder crackles. I drink a glass of wine and munch on some cheese and crackers. Ping, ping, ping. Kapow! Crackle, boom – a rolling rumble. The dog gets up and stares at me. I beckon him to come over and sit beside me. He does. He is shivering. Now the storm is upon us, in earnest. The dog shakes. I put my arm around him. He lies quiet but continues to shiver. It is dark. Lighting crackles, thunder rumbles, the trailer quivers.

Blue sky – sunshine – it is warming up but not as fast as my spirits are. I take off my overcoat. I sip at my cup of hot tea.

The grass is turning green – it is grown again. The tips of trees are swelling. The elms are in flower, nothing showy – you have to look closely. The beginning of the greening is not flashy, which shall come with the first jonquils.

If you want to live, you love; if you don’t want to live, you hate, that’s all. It’s as simple as that – Louis Zukofsky

Time is money
Money is time
            Which doesn’t mean
            That time equals money
Yet money does equal time
We can spend money but not time
            Spin money
            Send money
We can’t spin time
            Except with two hands
Money is both a thing and and idea
            Time is no thing
            But it is not nothing either
At the roulette wheel
            Both time and money spins
The more time there is
            The further away things are
The more money there is
            The closer things get

Whoever doesn’t know what he wants himself at least has to know what everyone else wants – Robert Musil – The Man Without Qualities, 1956  p1254

For the conservative the sacrifice is small, but the reward great; for the liberal the sacrifice is great and the reward small.The natural advantage is with the conservative but time is on the liberal’s side or there would be no need for a conservative.

[He] had been accustomed to expect that politics would bring about not what needed to happen but at best what ought to have happened long since – Robert Musil – The Man Without Qualities, 1956  p1492

The race to the bottom – a concerted effort to eliminate labor organization in order to create the lowest labor rates and attract investment away from other states (and even from China). Gain a “competitive advantage over your neighbors” (Jon Huntsman).

The masters always have an indelible and therefore deeper knowledge of their roots than their disciples can every achieve – Martin Heidegger – What is Called Thinking?, 1968 p184

Nationwide teachers in high-poverty districts earn a third less then those  in low-poverty districts. School in high-proverty districts tend to attract less experienced and less educated teachers.

We’re all on each other’s food chain… Welcome to the meaning of ‘individual’ – David Foster Wallace  - Infinite Jest p112

Right to Work (RTW) does not create jobs. Companies looking for cheap labor chose China or Mexico, or South Carolina. What RTW does is lower the average income of a worker by $1,500 and reduce the chances that a worker can get health insurance or a pension through his job. In the ten years since Oklahoma adopted RTW, the number of manufacturing jobs in the state has fallen by one third. The number of companies that relocated to the state was one-third lower in the decade following adoption as it was in the proceeding decade. RTW is irrelevant in terms of job creation in the face of broader economic forces.

If a man brushes past me in a dark alley, I step aside, but if in the same situation he asks me in a friendly way what time it is, then I not only reach for my watch but grab for my gun too – Robert Musil – The Man Without Qualities, 1956  p1220

I once met Karen Finley, Dave said. “Yam What I Yam”, I said. “Dr Seuss”, be asked? He goes back to his reading his poetry and I go back to reading Umberto Eco. Then he looked up and asked, “so what is the connection between Karen Finley and fired chicken?” “Honey”, I replied and went back to Umberto. The whole world is looking for a neighborhood bar. The only problem is that they are all looking in someone else’s neighborhood.

A group of women, noisy women, enter. One of them seems to be in charge or at least is looked to by the others to assume that role. “Here attending a convention”, I ask? “God, I hope not”, she replies and orders a round of Spattens for the ladies. “What’s a Splattan”, one of them asks? She had been careful to poll all of them and made sure that beer was OK them. Carol did not want a beer. “You sure you don’t want an orange soda or something?” “No I’m fine,” Carol replies. Dave turns the sound system up Bomda - Boom - ba  and then it slid into a nondescript electronic monotone. The Woman’s Building is only two blocks away and where else were they to have gone, the 500 Club - oh yeah..

“So”, says Dave, “do you sort of listen to their conversation or what?” “A little of this and a lot of that”, I reply. “You just catch the surf and ride it for all it worth.” He seemed to be satisfied with that answer. Now I needed to catch the #22 back and buy ice cream. I finish my beer and Dave deposits another scoop of pretzels into the tray on my left as I slide off the stool.

The next morning the taxies are out early prowling for clowns. It’s Bay to Breakers today. The less than serious runners like to dress up. Many dress up as clowns. A clown can run better than a cow which takes a lot of coordination. And bees can’t run fast they have those antennae that bounce around throwing off your concentration.  I had a dream about a song last night. The lyrics went something like this: “The girls of Tokyo are mighty cute, they carry things on their heads and are as good looking as the girls of Santa Monica. The broads from Oakland go without  any tans.” It was supposed to have been a rock song with a male chorus singing in harmony and with a lead voice that didn’t match with the choir. I don’t think I would want to hear it on  the radio, but Walter tells me that I should finish it anyway. I showed him my dead goat and my cave painting pictures. He said that the cave painting was from a site in Africa – he wanted to know if the spear was aimed at a mammoth or something else. Hell, I didn’t know. I had just made it up. I didn’t even know that it was from Africa

The calling calls thinking to the crossroads of way, no way, and wrong way. But the way of thinking is such a kind that this crossroads can never be crossed by a once-for-all decision and choice of way, and the way can never be put behind as the way, every moment – Martin Heidegger – What is Called Thinking?, 1968 p175

Good is up, bad is down
Good is in front, bad is behind
            They’ve come around the last corner
            They are in the final stretch
Look forward to better times
            Let’s put this behind us
Up, down, right/left, front to back
            Hupp two three four
Things are looking up
Don’t let them get you down

Profound melancholy, moreover, is not black, but dark green or dark blue, and has the softness of velvet, it is not so much annihilation as rather a rare, positive quality – Robert Musil – The Man Without Qualities, 1956  p1741