Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Forgot. What Did I Forget? I Forgot? Forgot What?

I get ready to leave. Suddenly my mind goes blank. Where did I park my car? Did I drive a car here? I must have for I am sure that I didn’t walk here. I panic. I cannot imagine where I might have parked it. I can’t remember parking it. I cannot visualize my car in its spot – this is I know where to go – I build a map in my head that leads back to its spot. There is no image there, no data to reconstruct a path back to it. I have no idea where I might have parked it. I am in a panic. When I’m in a panic I can’t think. I am unable to think right now. This used to happen when I awoke in the dark in the middle of the night. I would have no concept of the layout of the room that I was in – should I roll off the bed to the left or the right side? In which direction was the bathroom? Where was the front door? Calm down! Think! I would run through a diagram (floor plan) of all the places where I had ever lived until one of them would made sense. Yes that is the room that I’m in now. Roll off of the bed to the left – turn right, take three steps and turn left and walk three step ahead. You are now in the bathroom. The light switch is on the left.  In the fog of just waking up this is OK. But I hadn’t just woken up. There was no fog.  It is the middle of the day. The sun is bright.  I do not have any excuse this time. I fight the panic back. Oh yes, next to the column on the south side up on the second floor. Go up thesed stairs, then turn left and its is four vehicles away to the right. I can see it - my vehicle. There it is! Thank God! But there may come a time soon when it won’t ever come back to me. Will I even know that I don’t know? What is it that I have forgoten? Did I forget something? Where am I? How do I get home? Where do I live?

Thoughts are spent fuel rods – Rae Armantrout – Versed, 2000 p12

If a poet could have explained his poem any better he would have written it differently. But then maybe it wouldn’t have been a poem?

Ghandi was asked, “What do you think of Western Civilization?” His reply:  “It would be a good idea”

I hold the book in my hand
I lay it down on a table
I pick up a pen. I scribble
            Just below the previous
            Scribbling.This is my journal
I call what I am writing a poem, but it’s just
            A list that I have made up
I used to make lists regularly
            Long lists of miscellaneous things
            Lists of unrelated things
            Inclusive lists; exclusive lists
I made a list of the ways
            To reserve a seat
You can place a program
            On your seat but not
            On the seats of others
            For whom you are waiting
                        The arrival
I tried to explain, “The usher might
            Have placed them there. You can’t
            Just place programs on a whole
                        Row of seats.”
It could just as well have been
            The seats without programs
            That had been reserved.
No you have to leave something
More personal for when
Your are gone. Something
That is worth stealing
Something not worth taking
            Is not worth keeping
There were more ways listed
All the ways for properly reserving
            Seats. It was a very 
            Comprehensive list
I didn't think of it then as a poem.
And it wasn't a poem then either
           
It is those of us who cannot untangle ourselves from the past that are really dangerous in the present… We are dangerous because when we come out of the past we are rich with its energies and poorly experienced in that business of daily living – Paul Metcalf – Collected Works, v.1 p7

Too big to fail
Too big to prosecute
Too big to let life

Nothing resembles mythological thought more than political ideology – Claude Levi-Strauss – Anthropologie Structurale

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